Let me take you all back to last Monday.
It has been wanting to rain all day long. Then all of a sudden in the middle of the day, the sky just could not handle it anymore. Rain poured from the sky with a glow from the sun.
Today I felt it. Today I felt the last five weeks of performing and being and doing and running and going just reach the maximum, ready and pleading to have a break. I did not realize that I was doing this to myself until lunch one Monday.
My dear friend Wynne and I had lunch together on a Monday afternoon at Zoe’s. We shared memories from our weekends: details about the latest Aggie football game and her recent trip to Salt Lake City. I proceeded to share with her all about what was new with my blog and about a creative conference coming up. By the end, Wynne posed a question: “how are you taking care of yourself?” I was dumbfounded and could not even come up with the words. I began to justify my answer until I just confessed, “I guess I am not.”
I did not realize that I have been depriving myself. Any chance I get I am constantly writing and being with people and running around town (physically and mentally) answering emails trying to keep every notification from becoming an endless list on my phone. It is something about senior year that I feel like FOMO is a thing again and that I am grasping at every opportunity that comes my way because in just one year the same experience will not be available to me anymore. With many creative things on the horizon, I spend every free time that I have making adjustments and edits to the project.
All are things that bring my heart joy but not rest.
In the mundane, while all of these things that I am accomplishing become unseen, I still feel pretty visible. This Golden Hour of an outpour and release of rain should turn into a honesty hour. Friends, I am weary. Not every day is like this but I believe that I reached a point, aware that something must change. Because my time will not multiply when I graduate college and surely will not multiply when I have a family. So my plea each morning of “Lord multiply my time today” makes me chuckle at what is to come.
So what should a girl to do with this realization? What a weary soul to do when the things I am doing are fun but my soul is thirsty?
Wynne was telling me about writer Sara Hagarty, author of Unseen, and how she was recently on a podcast. This podcast talked about “the Golden 'Wonder' Hour.” This hour consisted of doing absolutely nothing. No sort of performing or creating or doing or being. It is an hour that is a sacred ground to breathe.
The Wonder Hour will not be an easy task for this hustling soul of mine. Any free moment I get, I am planning an exit of how I can accomplish something, never allowing myself to enjoy the slow pace. The Wonder Hour will look different each time. This hour may start at 30 minutes and will work my way up. I vow to myself to hide-a-way my laptop and phone. I vow to myself to not edit or write in this time. Instead, I will read a magazine or a book that is outside of my morning devotion. Maybe, just maybe, I will take a nap AND THAT IS OKAY. I have to convince myself that this is a necessary time.
Busy is not my thing. As much as I fool myself that I enjoy and thrive in this season, my achy body tells me otherwise.
And just like that, the rain comes to a stop. The September shower did not last very long. It just needed a chance to release. Just like my nap on that Monday afternoon. I needed it. My soul was thirsty, parched for a break with a chance to do absolutely nothing, not even write. Sure, my to-do list is long, but I have got to stop and give myself grace to do so.
So my friends, I pose this question to you. How are you taking care of yourself? Are you willing to participate in "the golden hour?”